I want to delete the pain stains on my secret journal
With a huge eraser and
Paint the pages with the color of your cheeks blushing
When you catch me staring at you.
I want to memorize the curves of your body
And use them as a guide to stroke my brush
When I paint cumulous clouds.
I want to form a pretzel with you
And listen to the band from both our chests
Like two sighs repeating in every breath
Like a heart-beat syncopation between
My three beats to your measure
Because nothing measures
To the way my heart beats around you.
I want to trade dreams with you,
Watching night and day passing so fast
That the moon and sun
Knock into each other like marbels.
July 29, 2005
a tribute to companionship
In Xanadu, You and I…
We lynch jasmine tea bags with a white noose,
And arm our soprano slingshots with tones.
The predators and preys will call a truce,
Assembling choirs to croon in baritone.
Our fingertips stained with caramel
From playing chords and riffs on sugared keys.
In chocolate covered tongues we chant the spell,
A ubiquitous taste we do agree.
Conducted by penguins of flight bereft,
Vibrations run amuck and tantillate.
The nimbus Fred Astairing right to left,
Seduced and overwhelmed it perspirates.
In the noumenal kingdom so sublime
Is immortal love in rhythm and rhyme.
We lynch jasmine tea bags with a white noose,
And arm our soprano slingshots with tones.
The predators and preys will call a truce,
Assembling choirs to croon in baritone.
Our fingertips stained with caramel
From playing chords and riffs on sugared keys.
In chocolate covered tongues we chant the spell,
A ubiquitous taste we do agree.
Conducted by penguins of flight bereft,
Vibrations run amuck and tantillate.
The nimbus Fred Astairing right to left,
Seduced and overwhelmed it perspirates.
In the noumenal kingdom so sublime
Is immortal love in rhythm and rhyme.
July 28, 2005
Consumption-sumption, fuck your function
These words were rambled approximately 2 years ago. I thought it could be immortalized like the rest of my rants.
--------------------------Feminism
Feminism is the philosophy that men and women should be politically, economically, and socially equal; an organized activity on the behalf of this principle. More specifically, it is the desire of equal rights, absence of discrimination, and equal status of women. When references are made to the concept of feminism, the common perception is of a global struggle against oppression and injustice of women. Due to the history of women’s rights and the media portrayal of women, it is clear why many consider the ideas of struggle and injustice when referring to feminism. In the history of the US, women had yet to achieve the legal status of a person. Women could not serve on juries, nor could they vote, make legal contracts, or hold property in their own name.
The feminist movement was the pursuit of equal status for women and within the movement were feminists destined to induce reformation of rights and privileges for women. The movement transpired through two waves and is still in motion. The first wave of the movement consisted of two branches. A radical branch that desired reformation of societal institutions, and a conservative branch that focused on women’s suffrage. The result of the wave was the right of woman to vote in 1920. The second wave involved the improvement of women’s work roles to issues such as reforming violence policies against women. In addition, both the liberal and conservative positions had radical wings. The radical elements entailed hostility toward men on the liberal side and a return to traditional family roles on the conservative side. The third wave which is in progress even today focuses on values that underlie work and the social institutions. And these values, power, competition, and others as feminists point out, are representative of “male” qualities. Feminists believe that “female” values such as openness, cooperation, and others should be added to the “male” values.
The women that struggled to achieve these aims comprised of intelligent writers, skillful artists, and dominant leaders, feminists and suffragists. An example of a woman that struggled for equality was Elizabeth Blackwell. She was a woman famous for being America’s first female doctor. After facing prejudice at medical school and being rejected from admission into American hospitals, she opened a clinic in New York City and refused to concede. Another woman who struggled for equal status was Betty Friedan. She was an author honored for her best seller “The Feminine Mystique”, a book that challenged the traditional roles of women. Furthermore, Friedan was a cofounder the National Organization for woman and the First Women’s Bank. Whereas these two mentioned women are symbolic icons of women’s history; one of the most significant female progressives of all time is Susan B. Anthony. Not only did she struggle incessantly for women’s suffrage, but also towards the emancipation of the slaves.
--------------------------Feminism
Feminism is the philosophy that men and women should be politically, economically, and socially equal; an organized activity on the behalf of this principle. More specifically, it is the desire of equal rights, absence of discrimination, and equal status of women. When references are made to the concept of feminism, the common perception is of a global struggle against oppression and injustice of women. Due to the history of women’s rights and the media portrayal of women, it is clear why many consider the ideas of struggle and injustice when referring to feminism. In the history of the US, women had yet to achieve the legal status of a person. Women could not serve on juries, nor could they vote, make legal contracts, or hold property in their own name.
The feminist movement was the pursuit of equal status for women and within the movement were feminists destined to induce reformation of rights and privileges for women. The movement transpired through two waves and is still in motion. The first wave of the movement consisted of two branches. A radical branch that desired reformation of societal institutions, and a conservative branch that focused on women’s suffrage. The result of the wave was the right of woman to vote in 1920. The second wave involved the improvement of women’s work roles to issues such as reforming violence policies against women. In addition, both the liberal and conservative positions had radical wings. The radical elements entailed hostility toward men on the liberal side and a return to traditional family roles on the conservative side. The third wave which is in progress even today focuses on values that underlie work and the social institutions. And these values, power, competition, and others as feminists point out, are representative of “male” qualities. Feminists believe that “female” values such as openness, cooperation, and others should be added to the “male” values.
The women that struggled to achieve these aims comprised of intelligent writers, skillful artists, and dominant leaders, feminists and suffragists. An example of a woman that struggled for equality was Elizabeth Blackwell. She was a woman famous for being America’s first female doctor. After facing prejudice at medical school and being rejected from admission into American hospitals, she opened a clinic in New York City and refused to concede. Another woman who struggled for equal status was Betty Friedan. She was an author honored for her best seller “The Feminine Mystique”, a book that challenged the traditional roles of women. Furthermore, Friedan was a cofounder the National Organization for woman and the First Women’s Bank. Whereas these two mentioned women are symbolic icons of women’s history; one of the most significant female progressives of all time is Susan B. Anthony. Not only did she struggle incessantly for women’s suffrage, but also towards the emancipation of the slaves.
Some day...
Someday, I will conjure a spell in the form of music. It will be derived from the purest of emotional seeds. It will be egoless. It will be molded into an album. It will be mailed to a strong and trustworthy soul. The soul will send it to a trustworthy record label. The album will not be traced back to a name, but an unknown alias. It will lead to the profit of millions. The profit will be bound to a contract that states” the proceeds of this album are willed to the people of Africa”. No one will be famous.
Someday I will find the courage to give up my love for Allison Eaton and be a nomadic monk that I am by default.
Someday I will loose attachment to all unworldly things and live prosperously with a look of emptiness in the speckle of my pupils.
Someday my refrigerator will fill to the brim and I wont know what to do?
Someday my body will decompose and form into an orchid, a pecan pie, and a coyfish.
Someday I will remember all the late-night, insane thoughts that swim through the crevices in my brainium and invent a new school of thought.
Someday I will eat a mediocre bowl of soup and reminisce about the "old days" and really trip the fuck out.
Someday I will belly-slide with penguins shortly after hugging the fuck out of those buggers.
Someday I will learn how to nonverbally communicate efficiently enough to render verbal metaphors obsolete.
Someday I will continue this reflection.
Someday I will find the courage to give up my love for Allison Eaton and be a nomadic monk that I am by default.
Someday I will loose attachment to all unworldly things and live prosperously with a look of emptiness in the speckle of my pupils.
Someday my refrigerator will fill to the brim and I wont know what to do?
Someday my body will decompose and form into an orchid, a pecan pie, and a coyfish.
Someday I will remember all the late-night, insane thoughts that swim through the crevices in my brainium and invent a new school of thought.
Someday I will eat a mediocre bowl of soup and reminisce about the "old days" and really trip the fuck out.
Someday I will belly-slide with penguins shortly after hugging the fuck out of those buggers.
Someday I will learn how to nonverbally communicate efficiently enough to render verbal metaphors obsolete.
Someday I will continue this reflection.
July 15, 2005
a new scar
I awoke once again, as if i had just fallen asleep, as if yesterday was too soon. My mornings are common. If not an electronic device dispelling a lucid reality or a cloud of nicotine rupturing the senses, it's a minority completing a front yard task too time consuming for a corporate yuppie. At least it wasn't a Freudian nightmare this time as my undependable memory recalls. Before I could create my reality, I glanced at the clock, demanding my presence be at the "Friday side" of morning street sweeping day. So I walk a few blocks down, circle the premises to find a parking spot, all while shoving my irritation down an unhealthy lung. Mental motivational speeches sound like "well at least you aren't in debt another 35 american dollars." In this respect, awaking early is a walk in the park. So I stagger back to my bed and fall asleep for another hour and a half.
Awoken again, I go to the kitchen, build some coffee, and protein drink. This window is where I reside most of the time I am at home, if not in my room. But something's irregular. The spire fan that i placed within the window sill is gone. It's outside, broken on the floor actually. A surge if instinct and logic overwhelm me as I call out my kitten's name. After twenty minutes of frantic searching and mess making, a stark reality unfolds. I am without her presence. I know instantly as i did twenty minutes before denial, that she had fallen through the window with the fan. Rude awakenings take a while to set in for me, so I pause and continue my day a little off beat. Then acceptance approaches with a kick to the stomache.
I make my way to kinkos of all ass-raping places and make copies of the cutest picture. I almost couldn't accept this reality. It is difficult to tell yourself that you are making missing fliers of an entity you are undoubtedly connected to. It's hard to hold back tears when you decide what to advertise in this flier. You can't sell it short. When you look at it during it's construction, you shift to auto-pilot, with the sensation of emotional involvement and objective clarity. Kinkos is evil but justifiable for desperation.
I post forty fliers, sweeping two streets in each direction. Kyoto is worth more paper than that copy shop, but my wallet accommodates only the minimal. I then go back to the apartment and keep my telephone company, waiting in anticipation, worried in anticipation.
Now I am writing, with all but longing for a creature which surpassed any limiting definition of companionship. I tried Rumi and Sigur Ros to sober me from this pain. I've O.D.'ed on nostalgia and the possibilities Kyoto's suffering have passed uncounted reel to reel scenarios. I meditate on her safety. Kyoto has lost her traditional survival skills. However, if she were to ever encounter another human being, she will be in good shape because she has cultivated, unintentionally, the spiritual survival skills of compassion and adoration. No one is capable of resisting this affection.
Today, as hard as it is to type now, my soul has been scarred. I am without the physical presence of Kyoto. She was more than my companion. She was my teacher. She found me, not otherwise. She accepted me as a pupil, as I learned more from her than I could ever from a person. I have felt her teach me lessons I cannot accurately explain. When I would sit in the living room floor to think, she would summersault into my lap, inferring to stop thinking because charisma and play can achieve more than thinking can. When I feel distressed, I would look to her by chance, receiving a specific squinting that I believed was a form of sympathy, which taught that companionship is a great remedy for worldly shortcomings and trivialities.
We were alike. Kyoto sits at the windowsill, as probably many cats do. However, I would look at her as she would. I believed that what we had in common this way was our infinite longing for love and constant curiosity of simple things. The most simple things are the most complex. I think we both believed this.
The memory that will never leave me is the time I first took her home. She was half the size she is now. It can be expressed closely like this poem I wrote about her one day.
an organic alarm
Awaking from the drum rolls of her breath,
the muted chords are played upon my back
like morning sunlight beaming through my lids.
I then recoil, her primal love comb grates
my skin. I fancy her affection though
her kisses strip the externalities.
And sleeping to the drum rolls of her breath,
the muted chords are played upon my back…
a melody from a Calico cat.
Rumi once wrote a verse such as "Personality is a small dog trying to get the soul to play." Kyoto's personality blossomed my soul always. Her unconditional affection has stained me and the last lesson I learned from her was of the futility of emptiness or what some might say "the straight line." I would rather be a wave. I still hope for her. I will continue to look for you Kyoto. Will you look for me?
Though I'm in Kyoto
When the Cuckoo Sings,
I long for Kyoto. -->Basho
Awoken again, I go to the kitchen, build some coffee, and protein drink. This window is where I reside most of the time I am at home, if not in my room. But something's irregular. The spire fan that i placed within the window sill is gone. It's outside, broken on the floor actually. A surge if instinct and logic overwhelm me as I call out my kitten's name. After twenty minutes of frantic searching and mess making, a stark reality unfolds. I am without her presence. I know instantly as i did twenty minutes before denial, that she had fallen through the window with the fan. Rude awakenings take a while to set in for me, so I pause and continue my day a little off beat. Then acceptance approaches with a kick to the stomache.
I make my way to kinkos of all ass-raping places and make copies of the cutest picture. I almost couldn't accept this reality. It is difficult to tell yourself that you are making missing fliers of an entity you are undoubtedly connected to. It's hard to hold back tears when you decide what to advertise in this flier. You can't sell it short. When you look at it during it's construction, you shift to auto-pilot, with the sensation of emotional involvement and objective clarity. Kinkos is evil but justifiable for desperation.
I post forty fliers, sweeping two streets in each direction. Kyoto is worth more paper than that copy shop, but my wallet accommodates only the minimal. I then go back to the apartment and keep my telephone company, waiting in anticipation, worried in anticipation.
Now I am writing, with all but longing for a creature which surpassed any limiting definition of companionship. I tried Rumi and Sigur Ros to sober me from this pain. I've O.D.'ed on nostalgia and the possibilities Kyoto's suffering have passed uncounted reel to reel scenarios. I meditate on her safety. Kyoto has lost her traditional survival skills. However, if she were to ever encounter another human being, she will be in good shape because she has cultivated, unintentionally, the spiritual survival skills of compassion and adoration. No one is capable of resisting this affection.
Today, as hard as it is to type now, my soul has been scarred. I am without the physical presence of Kyoto. She was more than my companion. She was my teacher. She found me, not otherwise. She accepted me as a pupil, as I learned more from her than I could ever from a person. I have felt her teach me lessons I cannot accurately explain. When I would sit in the living room floor to think, she would summersault into my lap, inferring to stop thinking because charisma and play can achieve more than thinking can. When I feel distressed, I would look to her by chance, receiving a specific squinting that I believed was a form of sympathy, which taught that companionship is a great remedy for worldly shortcomings and trivialities.
We were alike. Kyoto sits at the windowsill, as probably many cats do. However, I would look at her as she would. I believed that what we had in common this way was our infinite longing for love and constant curiosity of simple things. The most simple things are the most complex. I think we both believed this.
The memory that will never leave me is the time I first took her home. She was half the size she is now. It can be expressed closely like this poem I wrote about her one day.
an organic alarm
Awaking from the drum rolls of her breath,
the muted chords are played upon my back
like morning sunlight beaming through my lids.
I then recoil, her primal love comb grates
my skin. I fancy her affection though
her kisses strip the externalities.
And sleeping to the drum rolls of her breath,
the muted chords are played upon my back…
a melody from a Calico cat.
Rumi once wrote a verse such as "Personality is a small dog trying to get the soul to play." Kyoto's personality blossomed my soul always. Her unconditional affection has stained me and the last lesson I learned from her was of the futility of emptiness or what some might say "the straight line." I would rather be a wave. I still hope for her. I will continue to look for you Kyoto. Will you look for me?
Though I'm in Kyoto
When the Cuckoo Sings,
I long for Kyoto. -->Basho
July 01, 2005
Quantum Physics is my libido
I'm not one to enter discourse or speak of what i don't comprehend confidently, but i have an inspiring idea of what quantum physics entails.
essentially, take these two words and consider the epistemic concepts behind them. quantum, or i suppose quantic are words that infer "probability" or chance or a probablistic framework. physics i'm sure you are familiar with. so given these two variables, we can say that quantum physics is the study of probability and the study of that within the world we live in or so we seem to percieve.
for me to even speak of this is almost an insane course of action because it is fairly new, and semmingly inconcievable, nonetheless asks for more research and understanding...
but dont stop there. quantum physics more importantly deals with cells, atoms and particles, quantum particles. what quantum physics says is that if we deconstruct everything around us, everything, then everything is connected on that myopic level. some believe that we are simple arrangements of certain molecules, some believe carbon. but considering this, quantum physics comes into play saying that these molecules and particles that everything is made of has an unpredictable behavior...it cannot be predicted accurately. these molecules do what they do, free spirited with no pattern. even on the smallest known level, within atoms, and as far as electrons, these things are unpredictable.
quantum physics even says that these molecules can take up two locations at once, and if you were to understand this on a more human and general scale, then that could mean what that our physical bodies could be two places at once, even more. this is very difficult for the mind to fathom and concieve, but it is interesting enough to consider.
now, given this open-minded framework, quantum physics poses a few valid questions.
1. couldn't it be possible that nothing is predetermined?
2. given the last question, what of free will?
what i'm about to provide now is even more of a mindfuck. for any given individual to be on this level, they must attempt to step outside of themself, consider and be open to the fact that every thing we encounter, what we see more specifically, isn't exactly what is. for example intent vs. perception. we at many instances percive communicative messages differently or even completely opposite of the intended message of the sender, which means that are pereptions aren't exactly what many believe is "truth". the word truth is in my opinion is very dogmatic and close minded. what is truth? can we prove information?
what i was saying before is that what we percieve isn't exactly what IS. this concept brings into view the influence of thoughts. our thoughts CREATE things, for a lack of a better noun. "things", meaning matter, objects, anything is born by thoughts. a chair is only a chair because it is defined, and contrasted by things that are not chairs. by what Plato referred to as "the negative", things are only things because they aren't other things. but remember, on the deepest myopic level, everything is connected, atomically, made of the same smallest mode of comparison. so if our thoughts create these things, couldn't it be probable that to us, we can manifest reality? couldn't a chair be something else. if a caveman saw a chair, would they comprehend or register it as we do?
so the mindfuck i was talking about....our thoughts, according to quantum physics, can influence other things, physically, and on a subatomic level. in this pseudo documentary " WHAT THE BLEEP", which is discusses quantum physics, used an example which takes form of an experiment conducted by a scientist. basically, the scientist conducted an experiment about how thoughts may influence matter, physically. he took various bottles of water, and placed them in containers with different words written on them. these words consisted of love, thank you, hate, and others. so with these water containers, he had monks meditate on them, focusing pure thought only on these water containers according to what was written on them. he then placed samples of these water containers under a microscope and found molecular patterns, contrasting among each word. the results indicated different water molecule images. the one with love created what i percieved to be a beautiful snowflake-like form. the one with thank you looked similar. the one with hate looked aesthetically unappealing, with no particular pattern. interesting, how there was no synthetic alteration or physical influence on these water samples, yet they changed due to the influence of non-physical means, thought.
given this experiment, another more mindblowing question is posed? what influence does thoughts have on us, on our bodies, on our environment, on others? could we manifest the sequence of occurences in our own lives? if we without a doubt believe something, could it come into existence?
i'll leave it at this juncture, but quantum physics entails these ideas if i described them accurately. i'm not a scientist but i do have an interest in this field of study.
"anything is possible"... this mantra is something i've always accepted. what do you think?
essentially, take these two words and consider the epistemic concepts behind them. quantum, or i suppose quantic are words that infer "probability" or chance or a probablistic framework. physics i'm sure you are familiar with. so given these two variables, we can say that quantum physics is the study of probability and the study of that within the world we live in or so we seem to percieve.
for me to even speak of this is almost an insane course of action because it is fairly new, and semmingly inconcievable, nonetheless asks for more research and understanding...
but dont stop there. quantum physics more importantly deals with cells, atoms and particles, quantum particles. what quantum physics says is that if we deconstruct everything around us, everything, then everything is connected on that myopic level. some believe that we are simple arrangements of certain molecules, some believe carbon. but considering this, quantum physics comes into play saying that these molecules and particles that everything is made of has an unpredictable behavior...it cannot be predicted accurately. these molecules do what they do, free spirited with no pattern. even on the smallest known level, within atoms, and as far as electrons, these things are unpredictable.
quantum physics even says that these molecules can take up two locations at once, and if you were to understand this on a more human and general scale, then that could mean what that our physical bodies could be two places at once, even more. this is very difficult for the mind to fathom and concieve, but it is interesting enough to consider.
now, given this open-minded framework, quantum physics poses a few valid questions.
1. couldn't it be possible that nothing is predetermined?
2. given the last question, what of free will?
what i'm about to provide now is even more of a mindfuck. for any given individual to be on this level, they must attempt to step outside of themself, consider and be open to the fact that every thing we encounter, what we see more specifically, isn't exactly what is. for example intent vs. perception. we at many instances percive communicative messages differently or even completely opposite of the intended message of the sender, which means that are pereptions aren't exactly what many believe is "truth". the word truth is in my opinion is very dogmatic and close minded. what is truth? can we prove information?
what i was saying before is that what we percieve isn't exactly what IS. this concept brings into view the influence of thoughts. our thoughts CREATE things, for a lack of a better noun. "things", meaning matter, objects, anything is born by thoughts. a chair is only a chair because it is defined, and contrasted by things that are not chairs. by what Plato referred to as "the negative", things are only things because they aren't other things. but remember, on the deepest myopic level, everything is connected, atomically, made of the same smallest mode of comparison. so if our thoughts create these things, couldn't it be probable that to us, we can manifest reality? couldn't a chair be something else. if a caveman saw a chair, would they comprehend or register it as we do?
so the mindfuck i was talking about....our thoughts, according to quantum physics, can influence other things, physically, and on a subatomic level. in this pseudo documentary " WHAT THE BLEEP", which is discusses quantum physics, used an example which takes form of an experiment conducted by a scientist. basically, the scientist conducted an experiment about how thoughts may influence matter, physically. he took various bottles of water, and placed them in containers with different words written on them. these words consisted of love, thank you, hate, and others. so with these water containers, he had monks meditate on them, focusing pure thought only on these water containers according to what was written on them. he then placed samples of these water containers under a microscope and found molecular patterns, contrasting among each word. the results indicated different water molecule images. the one with love created what i percieved to be a beautiful snowflake-like form. the one with thank you looked similar. the one with hate looked aesthetically unappealing, with no particular pattern. interesting, how there was no synthetic alteration or physical influence on these water samples, yet they changed due to the influence of non-physical means, thought.
given this experiment, another more mindblowing question is posed? what influence does thoughts have on us, on our bodies, on our environment, on others? could we manifest the sequence of occurences in our own lives? if we without a doubt believe something, could it come into existence?
i'll leave it at this juncture, but quantum physics entails these ideas if i described them accurately. i'm not a scientist but i do have an interest in this field of study.
"anything is possible"... this mantra is something i've always accepted. what do you think?
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